I would like to say something, as an adult. I have always had dreams and desires about what my life would be. Today I stand here not at all like the woman I thought I would be ten years ago, or even five. For one thing, I still haven't had that swoon worthy boyfriend, no plans to get married, I haven't even been asked out on a date! My life hasn't gone according to plan. In fact pretty much everything that I dreaded happened, and what I hoped for never came to be. What about my dreams, God?
I have always been a long term planner but something happened, and I lost my plans!
This is scary, no this is TERIFYING!
I do have a plan (and a just in case plan) but these are not the plans I wanted. These aren't the plans that I planed for! To not know what to expect is scary.
My fantasies never came true for me, so I stopped dreaming. I have been afraid to wish for or dream of anything because that's sure to not happen and losing dreams hurts. In just a few seconds I can lose myself to a fancy only to have it dashed moments later, so why let myself fantasize about the impossible?
Some people would call me cold, or boring, or say that I lost faith. I may say that I'm being practical and safe, in order to assure myself. But neither of these are completely true. I have as much if not more faith than I ever had. I am not bitter or cold. I tend to be more whimsical than practical, and I like living on the edge (sometimes!)
“For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.”
Sometimes following Christ means giving up some of our dreams, but God will always give you something better than you ever expected.
For years I lived for myself, for my dreams. When I gave my life back to God I didn't realize at first what that meant. “What about my dreams?” I asked. “What about ME?” Was the important thing, right? I was so afraid that God would take them away, just because He could. I was so wrong!
God doesn't take your desires from you. When you are truly drawing close to God, He will give you new desires, and you will realize that these new dreams are so much more meaningful than the ones you had before.
The truth is I still have dreams. For one, I dream of getting married and having children and teaching them to be men and women of faith. But this may never happen for me. God may have something else. The scariest thing about surrendering your life to God is the uncertainty of what he will do with your dreams.
“Man's goings are of the LORD; how can a man then understand his own way?”
If you are truly following Christ, you won't always know what lies ahead. But I know that no matter what He decides, it WILL be perfect.