My whole life I have been so set on being independent and doing things on my own that all I ever did was argue and fight against her. I always felt like it was a competition and I couldn't let her see me be weak, I wanted to be strong. In reality though, my mom is one of the strongest people I know. I have watched her grow so much spiritually over the years and I am really so proud of her.
When I was about nine years old, I remember my mom talking to me about a lady who she had been helping and she said to me: "This is why when you are thinking about getting married, you want to marry someone who is closer to God than you are." That really stuck with me. I got to thinking about it and I began to wonder 'What if the man I want to marry heard this too?' It didn't make sense to me at first how I could marry someone godlier than me, if he was looking for someone godlier than him! Even at that young age, this encouraged me to be a better Christian because I knew that I wanted to have a godly husband someday and therefore would need to be godly myself.
When I think about the kind of wife and mother I want to be one day, I think of my mom. I think of the many hours that we spent playing games as a family and eating popcorn. I think of the times when we would spend all day baking zucchini bread and then taking some to our neighbors. I think of the countless families that have tasted her chili because whenever a new family came to our church she always had them over. I think of all the Hallmark movies she watched with me, even though she would rather have been watching something else. I remember the night when I was eight that I made her write down in my notebook that I could come get her if I needed anything. Then I think of the night when I was fourteen and she got up in the middle of the night to pray with me because I was so terrified that I couldn't sleep.
When I think of the kind of friend that I want to be, I think of my mom. I have seen her spend countless hours talking with people on the phone, and what I saw as 'recess' as a homeschooler was really her helping people who were hurting. She went out of her way so many times in order to help people. Not necessarily because she wanted to, but because she knew God wanted her to. I have been blessed so much by this because I got to see firsthand what hurting people go through because of the effects of sin, and I got to see her counsel people so well.
Despite what some people (like the seventeen year old me) think, you actually don't know everything when you're seventeen. Sometimes you learn things a little later, or at least you learn to admit to things! It has taken me so long to learn how good it feels to talk to my mom and open up to her. It really is okay to need your mom. My mom really is an amazing person and I wish I had realized it sooner!